What's My Age Again?

Hello, thanks for joining me in this project.

First adult confession, I’m not quite sure how the writing in this will pan out but I hope you’ll stick around long enough to see how it progresses. Perhaps that’s exactly the point of all this. It’s quite meta, actually. This project might just be a reflection of what adulthood really is: a process. 

The more I think about it, I do think adulthood is a process of becoming. We can never say, I have arrived at adulthood. It’s never a destination and it’s always a moving target.

It’s like whenever we come across someone much older than we are and think, “wow what a mature person.” But when we find ourselves at that age, we’re like, “I don’t feel mature at all!” 

And so it begins, this quest of the mind. To understand and learn more about who we are. Why adulthood is what it is and what does being an adult mean to us. Is it about having our shit together? Is it about having a nice apartment? Is it about paying bills on time? Is it about being in a long-term relationship? Is it about being senior management at work? Is it about having kids? 

Or is adulthood being the bigger person even when we really want to punch people in the face? Is it about not needing to be right but doing what needs to be done? Is it about learning to say no to things that we’re not just excited about?

Maybe adulthood is all these things and more. Maybe aside from it being a moving target, it’s also never 100 percent. That just because we acted like an adult this morning, doesn’t mean we will go to bed as one.

And so I feel like I would have to say it over and over until it hits. Because part of me still feels like I’m six. Some days I can be twelve all over again. Though most days I’m stuck at twenty-three but nobody likes you when you’re twenty-three. I guess I’ll just have to stick to being thirty.

On Love and Loss