It’s only fitting that I return to writing letters again during my holiday break. I feel like the past few months have left me drained in more ways than one — an irony given that I said I was okay in my last letter, yet clearly I wasn’t.
In all honesty, I fell apart when a relationship fell to the wayside. I let that shit linger for about a month before I finally had the guts to face it head on. While it tore my heart out to know it ended, I’m thankful to know how to move on with my life.
Since I’ve been single at the beginning of 2015, I’ve dated (maybe even loved) and lost a good number of people. Some were doomed from the beginning because of circumstance and timing. Fortunately, I’m not that young anymore to be naive about these things. My thinking is, I’ll take what I can get even when what I get is the short end of the stick. So be it, is what I would normally say.
I’m not sure if this is what adulthood is like but I feel that I’ve learned to accept that people come and go into our lives once their “work” for us is done. There are those whose memories stick longer than others but no matter how big or small their contribution is, they all have left an imprint that will forever change the way we view and go about our days.
If I were to recount the lessons I’ve picked up while I was picking up the pieces of my broken heart, it’s these (and yeah, I have code names for everyone I’ve dated haha):
- F taught me that I need someone who understands his place in my life. Less insecurities, more trust.
- SB brought me back to myself, the creative part of me that was yearning to return. He brought me music and brought me back home to my loves: writing and the ocean.
- D taught me how lonely it can get if I continue to keep up the walls I’ve built around myself and that I’m helping no one when I hold my cards closer to the chest.
Here's the thing, there’s a new person. A bit of a mix among the good traits of the past three people I’ve allowed into my life. I’m cautious, for sure, because there’s a lesson here I’m going to have to learn. Just like how everyone I’ve come across has taught me something.
For my sake, I’m hoping I don’t have to learn it after the fact. Then again, the rainbow only appears after the rain, which is exactly the weather in Bali right now.
Wherever you are in the world, I hope you get both sunshine and rain. We need them both to live.